Nursing home visitation restrictions hard on residents with dementia

BOSTON — Even as visitation restrictions have been relaxed for Mass. nursing homes, many residents, especially those with dementia, are struggling from a lack of contact with family.

Melissa Berry, whose 83-year-old mother, Helen Ellison, has Alzheimer's disease, has been heartbroken watching her mother become forgetful with her own family over the years. But the last few months have been particularly difficult, as Ellison, who lives at Concord nursing home, CareOne, was not able to have in-person visits with her children and grandchildren.

To stop the spread of coronavirus and protect those most vulnerable, Gov. Charlie Baker's emergency order in mid-March forced nursing homes across the state to prohibit visitors.

That meant Ellison's family could only speak to her by calling or FaceTiming with the help of a staff member.

"When we were consistently seeing her all the time, it made a huge difference in her and how she was. And then to not see her for that long, you could see a change in her," Berry told Boston 25 News Tuesday. "She loved when we would come and pick her up. She loved coming to my house. And then we knew that when they shut it down, that she would decline."

Last week, Baker loosened the restrictions on nursing home visitations. Facilities can now allow scheduled in-person visits for patients who do not have Covid-19, but they must be outdoors, with a maximum of two visitors and a staff member present. All must wear face masks and remain six feet apart.

Berry said she understands the reason for the rules, but she believes her mother and other residents with dementia are especially suffering. She also said, despite the restrictions, her mother tested positive for the virus, although she never showed any symptoms.

"To be six feet apart and not be able to hug her or kiss her or talk to her, it's just - I don't think that really works," Berry said. "Life is just short. And those people’s time, it goes quick. And a lot of them passed away without even getting the chance to say goodbye to their families. That’s heartbreaking and sad."

Ellison's family was recently able to pick her up for doctor's appointments. Berry dyed her mother's hair and did her make-up.

"She was so much better. She was herself, happy and talking," Berry said. "She said, 'Thank you for making me look so beautiful.' And she kept looking in the mirror at herself."

But when Berry brought Ellison back to the facility and could not accompany her to her room, Ellison became emotional.

"She thought I was going up with her," Ellison said. "She’s like, 'How could you do this to me?... I’m getting out of here.' And she went to run for the door."

Berry hopes for her own family and others that nursing homes further loosen their limitations on visits, as the number of coronavirus cases in the state declines.

“You can go to Home Depot. You can go to all these stores. But... you can’t go see your parents in a nursing home the way you should be able to or take them out,” Berry said. “[My mother’s] going to progress and keep getting worse. So, eventually, it’s just like, if we’re not seeing her, and there’s chances she could pass away in there with us not seeing her. It’s just, that’s a reality.”

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